THE DAY REALITY FcKD MY LIFE

"Fat Boy" -- i sometimes call myself that whenever i am infront of the mirror. 2010 was an awesome year for me, i actually weighed about 72-75 kilos that time. I felt lighter, healthier, and everybody kept asking "you lost weight?" That was the year when i was assigned in the old Emergency Room. The old ER was harsher then compared to now. Then, you can really experience an understaffed workplace. There were only 3 nurses then each shift. And 1 of those 3 is the shift's Supervisor. When patients come in mobs, we rarely talk to each other leisurely. When we can no longer handle it (Trauma is packed, patients in labor coming in every half hour), the Supervisor pulls out a nurse or 2 from the less "toxic" areas. Now, the new ER is packed with 10 nurses, plus the Supervisor. Everything is different then. We rarely eat our meals when on duty. In the ER i was in "constant cardio". I was culture shocked during my 1st few weeks since i came from a ward where there's not much to do. But in the long run i got used to it. This contributed a lot in my weightloss. I left ER in July 2010, was thrown again back to the ward where i was first assigned, i stayed there for another 3 months (this was the lowest point of my career as a nurse, i could say that i was depressed then). Then i was transferred to the Hemodialysis Unit and stayed there for almost a month until they returned me in the ER until 2010 ends.

2011 came and this is where the weight started to pile up. There are more nurse trainees to supervise thus less (dirty) work for us to do. I started eating a lot and adapted myself to the bum lifestyle. It started out when a pediatrician teased me, saying that i look like i gained some extra kilos. At first i was in disbelief. My lack of exposure to weighing scales also didn't help me in realizing that. So i carried on with my unhealthy habits. There even came a time when i go to McDonald's every day for 2 straight weeks. When it finally dawned in on me, i tried exercising but did not control the portions i'm taking in. It made everything worse. The exercise part also became an on again-off again love affair. I do not have a plan. Then i "developed" the 1st version of my SexyBack Manifesto. A to-do list on shaping-up my health and my life towards the right direction. It failed, none of the items in the list were fulfilled. I was 79 kilos then. Then i revised it hence version 2 was born. It did not click again. It was only implemented during the 1st month. I continued on with my unhealthy habits without realizing that this will jeopardize my future plans.

Last month reality really took a bite off my ass. A huge chunk of meat was taken from my morale. I have always wanted to work in Singapore but my lack of work experience here doesn't qualify me. Agencies usually require at least 3 years work experience for male nurses. So we went to this agency, the same one who sent our former co-workers to Singapore a month before. We filled in some forms and submitted it to the receptionist together with copies of our documents. The she called us one by one for a weigh-in and height measuring! She was calculating our actual BMI. That was not a good week for to have my weight taken since i've been eating a lot in places i've never been to. She called my name and took my height and weight. It felt like eternity when she punched in the figures in her PC. Then she wrote my BMI on the application form. It was an embarassing 28.something! Then we were called in by the agent who screens applicants. There were 3 of us and only one was within the normal BMI as well as the required BMI for employment in SIngapore hospitals. It felt like the agent was dissing the 2 of us who are a bit on the heavier side. This is when i fully decided to make a change and live healthily.

I arrived from Manila 84 kilos. Now i am giving myself 12 weeks to lose at least 10 kilos bringing me back to my 2010 weight. I am currently in Week 4 of my program (SexyBack Manifesto Ver 3). I've been doing laps on the tracks and have tried running on the road. The first week i have completely rid myself of soda and sugared drinks and replaced it with water. I have skipped meals while on duty, and just ate instead at home. I am still having some trouble controlling my portions but i believe i am getting there. The other night at Gerry's Grill i did not finish my cup of rice, i have eaten ulam but i tried to control it. With only a quarter of my food on the plate i already felt full. Now the rationing of our food from the Dietary Department is not helping with my routine during my 1st few weeks. My current weight is playing between 81-83 kilos. Honestly, i am starting to get frustrated. I've been eating less in my opinion, and been slaving over an exercise routine that must work for me. "Ikalikaguma'k" is not applicable now for me, it should be "Ikaryo'm!' Hopefully i won't be calling myself "Fat Boi" when in front of the mirror. I want to experience that, really.

Currently training for a 5k Fun Run for December. The last (and my first) Fun Run i attended was the Laoag leg of the 2011 Milo Marathon last July. I finished 5k in an hour and a half. I'm hoping i will outdo myself this time and finish in less than an hour. IKARYO'M!

THE SABBATICAL (MY 2 WEEKS OF REST)

A lot has happened 2-3 weeks ago which made me decide that it was time for me to take a break for a while and go "find myself". I have been planning to request for a week-long leave months prior to that crazy week I had at work. After "packing" 5 patients in less than 2 weeks and experiencing an emotionally-staining case of verbal abuse from a co-worker hours after his patient arrested, I figured that this career just started to take its toll on me big time. I realized that I have been physically and mentally drained and I deserved a break from all of these brouhaha which unfolded before me in a short period. I passed my letter requesting for a 2-week leave from my duties, citing 2 fictional weddings in Manila I was supposed to be a big part of. And even though I requested on a time when there is a relative shortage in staff, on the day when the schedule for the next week's suppose to be finalized and approved, I fortunately received good news from my bosses. Now I have just a few days left before i resume for work again, and i ask myself: "what have i done for myself in these 2 weeks of relieving myself from my job?" Not much, I presume.

First off, i just revealed that my reasons in my request letter were not real. Only my friends outside of work and my c-workers in my floor knew this. So if in any way my bosses were able to read this (which i am certain they won't :P ) i am fckin screwed. But i like to see it like this: IT'S BEEN DONE, GET OVER IT.

For almost 2 weeks i have been eating a lot. I have been doing a lot of catching up with my high school friends. And i am not spending a lot during those eating and catching up sprees. Christel is currently here on vacation from Italy, and she's been dispensing Euros to make her stay here, though short, worthwhile. Last week we literally spent 4 days eating out, and for the first time ever in my employed life i came home very late. Not during-the-early-hours-of-morning late, just mornight late. :)

Day 1 of my "sabbatical" i told myself that i will be finishing every project kept on hold due to tight work schedules. This included photo editing jobs, recording of tracks for my "dream" EP album (which will be released in this blog eventually..), implementing stage for this awesome hoodie i'm working on, etc etc. But sadly, none of these were finished nor started. SO what have i been doing during those days when i am not out with friends? I did some catching up with sleep. Yes, i slept like a maniac. And i watched True Blood during waking hours... and random episodes from HIMYM Season 6... :P

My last post was all about hammering down the last nail in my crusade to finally fulfill my "SexyBack Manifesto". ......yyyeah..I can't do that..at the moment. But i will next week. There are tons of temptations lurking this week for me to take it seriously. I ran around the tracks the other day, supposedly yesterday also but it started pouring. The weather's not cooperating! (excuses, excuses, you're just too lazy to go fat boi).

I believe i need to cut back on some vices. My run the other day consisted mainly of brisk walking. I feel ashamed of myself. It's only been more than a month since my last run (Milo Marathon). And i survived that one. I ran more than i walked. I really, really need to adapt a clean lifestyle. (Last schtick evuhhh!!!!! This time for realZ.)

SO here i am, counting down the days before i resume for work. Christel will be arriving in the morning from Manila, Marian arrived yesterday and she's on leave from her work too. I am pretty sure that we will be going out this afternoon again. And i am certain that the itinerary will mostly involve eating out. I realized that what i have been doing this past 2 weeks is basically what this sabbatical was meant to do for me: Relieve the stress. And its working. Talking with friends, having a few (or more) laughs, reminiscing the good days of High School with coffee or at most times with tons of food, has been very therapeutic for me. I realized that i don't need to stress myself again with those unfinished projects, it's just like incorporating work in this well-deserved break. ALthough those are just hobbies, but i tend to sometimes be perfectionist about them..only adding up to the stress i was aiming to erase.

Now that i am a few days away from work again, i hope i won't be pooled with stress again in the next few days, or weeks. I don't need another sabbatical for now...

PASABOG --- TRANSLATION: BOMBS

'PASABOG'
It has been revelations after revelations unfolding before me eversince this year started. Some shook the fuck out of me, while some just gave me a reason to drink lots of fluids in order for the 'pasabog-hardened-crap' to pass through easier. But most of these pasabogs involve something which could literally make the recipient of the pasabog explode if i let my imagination manifest in this unnatural world. I'm talking about pregnancy.
The BIG 'P'.
In less than a month i've already received 4 Big P's. The most recent one i just heard this afternoon. The 1st 3 were good friends of mine, the 4th was something else...i dare not give any details from this point since it was 3rd hand information when it got to me. Let's just say that the mere mention of this 4th Big P in this post is already a violation of 'trust' --- relation to famous condom brand not intended.

So what about this Big P thing?

Well that's quite simple, it puts me, and others outside the Big P circle, in this awkward situation wherein we ask ourselves:
"What have i been doing with my life?"
What have i been doing with my life anyway? I constantly keep talking about waiting for this metaphorical rocket to come, and in the past i force myself to deny the fact that i am not doing something worthwhile to prepare for its arrival. But now i am proud to say that i have already built a sturdy frame made not from wood and cardboard but with the finest NASA approved steel. And i REALLY am waiting for this rocket to come...SOON.
I remember asking Big P #2, a few days before i started building my rocket's frame, what her plans are, and she told me she's gonna keep the baby and let her future husband merge his future plans with hers. I thought they are both lucky to have each other and i wish them the bestest. And then i remember her asking me the day she revealed her pasabog what my pasabog is. I had to admit that i was baffled for like a few seconds. I did'nt know how to answer her. So i just made a lame ass joke about B.O. or something being my pasabog and until now that answer still haunts me it actually still gives me the creeps! (LLLAAAAAME!!!) That few seconds was my 'what have i been doing with my life?' moment and i guess i panicked. But i believe can answer her question..maybe not now, maybe soon, and i don't mean to count my chicks before they hatch but i think i might have a shot at this not-so-new venture i have recently embarked on. I hope that by the 2nd quarter i will already have a pasabog for 2011. My pasabog will be the roar of my rocketships hydrogen-powered double engine.

I am gonna start the year of the rabbit right. I already have a good headstart i believe. I stand to what Valto told me that this is OUR (1987-born nerds like me) year. THIS IS OUR YEAR and not even some sorry-arsed delusional prophet-deity will take it from us. AMEN!


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