Saturday, May 14, 2011


Yesterday she told him that they need to step it up... go on another level. He choked and left her standing by the platform. And without any parting words she was all alone.

Yesterday she dreamt about falling in an endless abyss. The light above her shrinking into a pinhole as the darkness engulfed her. She felt the cold air against her cheek instantly cooling the warm tears that were constantly flowing from her eyes. She was flaccid, just let gravity do its job. "This is my destiny" she thought and as soon as she opened her eyes she was awakened by the sound of her mobile phone ringing.

Yesterday she drank the finest wine she has ever tasted in her miserable existence. She let the bittersweet liquid dance around every taste bud in her mouth until finally releasing it down the length of her throat experiencing the sweetest sensation of warmth incomparable to anything she let slip down her throat in her miserable existence. She was savoring the hints of the wine left in her mouth until she was interrupted by the loud clank of silverware from the seat across her. He accidentally dropped the large slice of steak from his fork.

Yesterday she received a phone call in the middle of the her mid-day slumber. "Pick you up at 8. Let's have dinner" the caller from the other line said. And before she could say "Yes" the caller hung up.

Yesterday she was standing on the platform waiting for the train to arrive, he was beside her, quiet.. breathing deeply. She glanced at him for a second. He did not look back. She slipped her hand around his arm. She expected warmth but she felt nothing. She was reminded of her dream during her mid-day slumber. The feeling of aloneness started to engulf every inch of her being and out of panic she blurted out the words "I THINK WE SHOULD MOVE TOGETHER!". He looked at her with no hint of feeling in his eyes, pulled his arm away from her and walked towards the exit without looking back. And without any parting words she was all alone.

Yesterday she was left in the platform and as the emotions crept up against her thick surface she started to feel aloneness rapidly engulfing her every being as hole starts to appear from where she was standing, growing... large enough to devour her and send her falling down an endless abyss, falling as the light above her slowly shrinks into a pinhole letting the darkness swallow her whole, the cold air brushing against her exposed skin, as tears streamed from her eyes..... and then a sudden flash of blinding light.

Yesterday she woke up from her living room sofa, the final rays of the sun for the day hitting her eyes from the window. Yesterday was but a dream... a dream within a dream.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Last April I was asked by Eunice to be one of the godparents of his son Carl. Since she is a very good friend of mine, i immediately said yes. It may seem shocking or disloyal to those who know me very well, i may have, at some point, doubted my own decision, but it really did happen. I, a self-pronounced excommunicate of the Roman Catholic church, and a self-proclaimed non-believer, said "yes" to attend a christening or as Eunice's church would put it a "dedication to the Lord Almighty".

So here's the deal on this one. I am a non-believer. I have been one since mid-2010. And i am proud to announce it to the world. Agreeing to be the godparent of Carl may seem like a gesture of disloyalty to my own chosen path. But i do not believe in that. In my defense to those who criticized me (~i know one, but i know there were others), i consider myself a non-discriminating person. Offer me to take part in a ceremony in your church and i will be grateful. I actually consider it to be an honor when i am asked to be like this, or like that in somebody's wedding/christening/funeral etc. because i am being made to believe that these people whom i treat like shit (ok, maybe not, but you get the point) sometimes actually trust me in the bottom of their hearts.... and that they are willing to risk a slot for me in those souvenir photos. Unlike some (most) believers i advocate brotherly/sisterly love outside organized religions.

So i took part in Carl's dedication to the Lord Almighty. I listened to the Pastor and i honestly thought he is very nice. As i listen to his preachings i maintained an open mind. That was the first time i entered a non-Catholic mass/service wherein i actually paid attention. I expected a revelation to occur in me but... nothing. I admire his teachings but if i am going to put those in practice why should i do it for someone else unseen? Why not do it for myself, for the people around me? So i promised myself that i will set a good example for Carl. That i will be a dedicated godparent as long as he sees me. So that he may grow up to be a wise, open-minded person with his own beliefs. We did the pledge/dedication/acceptance thing but i did not dare mouth back the words the Pastor were feeding us. That would be too much to be shoved down my throat. :P