I NEED BRAIN JUICE

I NEED BRAIN JUICE TO BRING ME OUT OF THIS DELUSIONAL STATE.

I am about to jeopardize, yet again, another opportunity for me to "realize" my dreams via earning appropriate compensation overseas. Last Friday an agency personally e-mailed me urging me to report to their office for Principal's Personal Interview and Final Review of Documents. The qualifications were as follows:

Qualifications: STAFF NURSES: SALARY OFFER: S$ 2000.00.mo (inclusive housing accommodation) Male & Female, BSN grad. 22 to 34 yrs. old, minimum of 3 yrs. Experience in a 200 or more bed capacity hospital as Staff Nurse after POST-REGISTRATION from Professional Regulation Commission. ASSISTANT NURSES:SALARY OFFER: S$ 1,250 mo (inclusive housing accommodation) Female, BSN grad. 22 to 34 yrs. old, minimum of 1yrs. Experience in a 100 or more bed capacity hospital as Staff Nurse after POST-REGISTRATION from Professional Regulation Commission.

I sent an application in this said agency through their website months back and they only replied to me now. I was shocked, relieved and confused when I saw their e-mail in my inbox. Shocked because i have never thought in a million light years that i would be personally e-mailed by this agency since i haven't yet earned the desired hospital experience (as claimed by Philippine Recruitment Agencies) to work in Singapore. Relieved because well, FINALLY! It's about time they replied to my application. Confused because of the parts i highlighted in the "Qualifications" part of their e-mail. I am puzzled why they bothered e-mailing me, since i am not the type who will falsify his qualifications in his CV just to land an interview, especially since this is mothafreakin' Singapore! The Employers and Work Visa people there are ruthless. So what was the best thing i did in my opinion? E-mail them back. I asked them to clarify their (hopefully not) erroneous inclusion of my name in their roster. Until now they haven't replied yet. But i am hoping that until tomorrow i will be getting a reply from them so that i will be able to decide whether i will be risking P 2,000.00 again to travel to Manila. Hoping that they will reply soon so that i can call/text my very, very good friend in advance and ask her to adopt me for an hour or 2 and let me use her apartment's shower.

I am so delusional that my rocket will just come by my doorstep. I am not putting much effort in building it. A co-worker told me that it doesn't matter if it is inconvenient or if the vibes is flowing with you, for once an opportunity arrives infront of you, grab it by the throat and face it like an Ancient Filipino Warrior. That's my weakness, i don't wanna take huge risks. Travelling to Manila just to show up for interview and then get turned down is that huge of a risk for me. I am TOO PROUD to admit to myself that with every opportunity the result will always be split: acceptance and rejection. I am delusional enough to see every opportunity result to acceptance. I NEED BRAIN JUICE TO GET ME OUT OF THIS DELUSIONAL STATE.

To whoever who will be reading this, please help me decide. The deadline's on Friday and i don't wanna jeopardize this opportunity again just like the numerous ones i already jeopardized in the past.. Thanks. :)

I'M THINKING OF GETTING A...

I've been thinking... i'm already 24, still single, still laboring over my underpaid~overworked job in a government hospital, and up until now i haven't really proven something for myself. I remember a week ago when a good friend of mine, Cess came home from Manila. I don't know how it happened but the topic on getting inked came up. She asked me if i wanna have one, i was like "are you kidding me? i have always wanted to have one for a very long time na." I told her that i was planning to have one on my wrist, preferably left, or maybe on my forearm. She asked me what will i get if ever, i got stuck for a moment after that, i have been yearning to get a tattoo for ages already and still i haven't yet decided what to get! I just told her the first thing that came to mind, "a quote from a book/lyrics to song/line from a poem i haven't found yet". Then she told me what she want to have and where she's planning to get it, and said that we should get one soon, and soon would be that day or the day after. I said "no way, i need to pass medicals first before i get one." Then the topic drifted off to something remotely related to the last one.

I've been thinking.... tattoos are an expression of a wearer's feelings, a physical representation of his/her inspiration embedded on the skin. It being permanent manifests that once you let that buzzing needle touch your skin, there's no turning back, what was done was done, and there's no way of erasing it... well, you can have outrageously expensive sessions of laser removal, but that only removes the outside, what about the emotions, the impulse that got you there in the first place? That's practically as permanent as the tattoo itself. So I figured if i'm going to have one, a text tattoo that is, i won't be quoting Pablo Neruda or Bob Ong, no matter how beautiful or witty the words are, since these people haven't touched my life yet. I won't be placing lyrics from an epically wonderful song from a random artist since that artist's music did not save me at all. This is very much in contrary to what i told Cess, "......i haven't found yet."

I've been thinking..... if i will be getting one i will be fishing out from one of the thousands of magical insights from the Harry Potter books. Because basically HP have been my life ever since i sneak the hardbound edition of the books from the College library to my Chemistry class when i was in High School, and read it instead of jotting down notes/listening to my teacher. It took me to a lot of places and further enriched my imagination. If i will be getting one i will be embedding a "magical" text in Ancient Egyptian hieroglyph (or maybe the hieroglyph "ankh" which means "immortality") because eversince i was a child, who used to watch Ancient Egypt documentaries in NGC and Discovery, i have always believed that i was an Ancient Egyptian in my past life. If i will be getting one i will have an esoteric symbol, something only bonafide fanboys & girls will recognize. Which gave me the idea of getting the runic symbols of the Deathly Hallows on my wrist or posterior forearm. But not now... like i mentioned to Cess a week ago: "i need to pass medicals first before i'll get one."