PASABOG --- TRANSLATION: BOMBS

'PASABOG'
It has been revelations after revelations unfolding before me eversince this year started. Some shook the fuck out of me, while some just gave me a reason to drink lots of fluids in order for the 'pasabog-hardened-crap' to pass through easier. But most of these pasabogs involve something which could literally make the recipient of the pasabog explode if i let my imagination manifest in this unnatural world. I'm talking about pregnancy.
The BIG 'P'.
In less than a month i've already received 4 Big P's. The most recent one i just heard this afternoon. The 1st 3 were good friends of mine, the 4th was something else...i dare not give any details from this point since it was 3rd hand information when it got to me. Let's just say that the mere mention of this 4th Big P in this post is already a violation of 'trust' --- relation to famous condom brand not intended.

So what about this Big P thing?

Well that's quite simple, it puts me, and others outside the Big P circle, in this awkward situation wherein we ask ourselves:
"What have i been doing with my life?"
What have i been doing with my life anyway? I constantly keep talking about waiting for this metaphorical rocket to come, and in the past i force myself to deny the fact that i am not doing something worthwhile to prepare for its arrival. But now i am proud to say that i have already built a sturdy frame made not from wood and cardboard but with the finest NASA approved steel. And i REALLY am waiting for this rocket to come...SOON.
I remember asking Big P #2, a few days before i started building my rocket's frame, what her plans are, and she told me she's gonna keep the baby and let her future husband merge his future plans with hers. I thought they are both lucky to have each other and i wish them the bestest. And then i remember her asking me the day she revealed her pasabog what my pasabog is. I had to admit that i was baffled for like a few seconds. I did'nt know how to answer her. So i just made a lame ass joke about B.O. or something being my pasabog and until now that answer still haunts me it actually still gives me the creeps! (LLLAAAAAME!!!) That few seconds was my 'what have i been doing with my life?' moment and i guess i panicked. But i believe can answer her question..maybe not now, maybe soon, and i don't mean to count my chicks before they hatch but i think i might have a shot at this not-so-new venture i have recently embarked on. I hope that by the 2nd quarter i will already have a pasabog for 2011. My pasabog will be the roar of my rocketships hydrogen-powered double engine.

I am gonna start the year of the rabbit right. I already have a good headstart i believe. I stand to what Valto told me that this is OUR (1987-born nerds like me) year. THIS IS OUR YEAR and not even some sorry-arsed delusional prophet-deity will take it from us. AMEN!


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AND I AM TELLING YOU... I NEED TO SET-UP A TRIAGE FOR INCOMING CALLS

"Prioritize" is my word for the week and perhaps for the rest of the year. Being a self-diagnosed ADHD i think i ought to make it as a mantra, and what better way to start this year right than to set-up some ground rules... starting with CALLS.

I usually do not receive phone calls from a lot of people, i rarely text or call unless it's urgent or necessary, and i especially HATE it when i pull myself out from what i am currently doing just to answer my phone. Being a self-diagnosed ADHD, the slightest distraction from my main focus might, but most probably will, direct me to another task. I am pleased to inform you that my job, work, occupation and profession does not require me to sit all day, infront of the computer monitor, with coffee and cigarette breaks, constantly chatting leisurely with my co-workers. My job, work, occupation and profession is all about dynamism. DYNAMIC! DYNAMIC! DYNAMIC! (with accompanying clapping or hand waving gesture whichever you prefer). And we rarely engage in leisurely talks with our co-workers, and almost every break time is always a working break. Because unlike most jobs, it's life we are dealing with for crying out loud!!! And I may sound somewhat hyperbolic in this part of this post so i think i'm gonna have to shut up now and proceed with my point. :)

I then officially declare a Triage for my incoming calls. Here is a scenario:

I am at work, doing my usual chores, "saving lives" (yeah, whatever)

*ring* *ring* (or in my case, *INTERGALACTIC, PLANETARY, INTERGALACTIC, IIIINTERGALACTIC*)

Please note that whatever it is you are about to say, that it requires you to hear my voice, i shall consider it urgent or an emergency.

I answer my phone, causing me to dismiss my attention to a current task.

"Hellow?"

"Adda jay orders mon. Umay mon to alan."

"Owkei. Isu lang?"

"Wen. Bye."

And then you hang-up.

In my brain another day just passed. The first thing i see after that conversation might, but most likely will, automatically drive me to it diverting me from my previous, unfinished task. And in my mind i would be cursing you all day for being a distraction... thus decreasing my merits from your god.

Rule # 1:

If it is still not that bothersome to send it through text, SMS, MMS, etc feel free to do that before calling me. Because i don't want to be distracted. Your call might kill a patient. And whenever i hear my ringtone it always delivers a "kick" in my groin opting me to answer it first and abandon what i am doing. And in my line of work that is dangerous you know...

Rule # 2:

I will only answer to text messages which would require a decent reply, like if you are asking a question. If your text is a statement, consider my silence to be : "yes, i got that." No need to send it to me 20 times, drop call me 10x, or worse, actually call me.

Rule # 3:

My replies to your questions through text will be considered complete and i will only answer unanswered questions. I will try my best to answer any possible follow-up questions, and every information shall be absolutely final. 'Pag nangungulit ka lang ("xur nb yn?" etc.) hindi na kita rereply'an bobey. For me "LOAD is GOLD", and yeah i know it rhymes, it was unintentionalll...

Rule # 4:

If you decide to call me you better have a good reason why you are calling me. Or else i would only be cursing your soul for the rest of my day.

Rule # 5:

If necessary i have the right to silence my phone while you are calling. That would teach you how to text first.

Rule # 6:

Please abide by these rules in order for me to maintain my concentration with whatever i am doing because time is gold, right timing is proper gold-digging. ok?

Summary:

GREEN -- must be texted always, no matter what. DO NOT call, just text. It usually includestatements such as "D2 n me" "D2 me fountain,wil w8 4u" "CR lng me" "Mern na ordrs u" "Pnta na u,pnta na me" etc.

YELLOW -- still, just text me, if there's no reply from me, it might mean i am busy, but i will make it a point to answer back ASAP if necessary. This usually includes inquiries which do not require my immediate attention (my own standards), but i can always weigh the situation if it is urgent on your part or not.

RED -- call without delay. If you decide to text me instead, i'll be the one to call you at the soonest possible time. I prefer calls for these situations since i seldom check my phone for messages.

BLACK -- texts i will just delete. nagsa-sayang ka lang ng load, network signal, oras etc. This usually include smileys out of nowhere, "Hi", "Hw r u?" etc. Mga sitwasyon na sasayang lang sa neurons ko. I need these neurons to function properly, especially now that my brain is being slowly depleted of oxygen because my respiratory tract is clogged with phlegm.

** This is a work of fiction, conceptualized as a form of leisure for the readers. This must not be taken seriously... but seriously, be ethical enough to text first before you call if your message is not important. It is lighter to text, load-wise, neurons-wise, network space-wise, and i could go on with this -wise, -wise bullcrap all day.. So please, just text. If i deem it necessary to reply back ASAP, i will, but if not, please do not waste my time. Because a minute talking to you about nonsense (in my own standards) is a minute of doing something useful for me to realize that i deserve my salary. Thank you.